Fire + Ice

His demeanor when he was standing over you radiated of power.  Beneath the aura of rebellion and high-ranked status he had created around himself, he was a tall and sickly gaunt man with a flame of ferocity burning in his eyes.  His hair was a vividly red fury of spikes that was pushed back away from his face as if torrents of wind had forced them that way.  Ebony tattoos were etched beneath each of his jaded eyes—triangle badges that made the feel of his glare hotter, like licks of fire were crawling up the skin of your own cheeks.  He had a wave; a flick of his arm during battles he was really enjoying that made you watch him.  He was the center of attention, the one who'd join the most rebellious group he could find and then try to prove himself by in turn rebelling against them.  And this is exactly what he did.  This is why he is where his is now: not standing with fire in his eyes and power radiating from his stare.  He is lying in my arms, cold.  The tears run off my fate and land on the curve of his upturned chin, his head leaning back against my hand.  I cannot see his eyes.  I am afraid they've frozen from green flame to blue ice.  He is light in my arms—much lighter than he should be.  There are no scars, rivers of blood, or wounds left seething on his pasty skin.  Only the dark, sinful uniform the organization made us wear: black zippered cloaks that squeezed at our ribs and ran down to our ankles to hide the boldness of our oversized boots.  He once told me it was better this way.  It was better to accept my fate and live a half-life...or else die by his hand, killing off both me and the organization's hope for survival in one...simple...blow.  I accepted my fate, my destiny of blindness through the eyes of a different person, my dark-mirrored self.  I am the dark, and so when mirrored I become a light that I cannot control.  Just watch out of eyes that cannot see.


And you knew, didn't you?  You knew I'd never come back and neither would the life we had led.  You knew my mirror would come back and try to kill you, just like you'd tried to kill him, all for my sake.  All so we wouldn't have to hide ourselves for the act of living by our own hands, with our own open eyes.  And in the end, you sacrificed yourself for my sake, for the life of my mirror so that I also could live, even if it was—is—just a half-life.  And in that blinding instant you let your life seep out of your body, I knew too.


Your foot is vanishing.  You never found your original mirror, and knowing you, you didn't ever want to.  Rebellious to the end.  But now you're vanishing, slowing fading out of his cursed universe to join the rest of the organization in nothingness.  Faded back into shadows.  You're making this journey into the unknown so I wouldn't have to.  Your knees are going now; our time is slipping away.  I'll never hear you march around in those boots again, walking down the corridors as if you had purpose.  I am shaking now, the tears spilling out from my eyes pooling in small puddles in the cracks of your neck.  I half expect it to hiss and evaporate from the heat of you, the heat that's no longer there.  The heat I smothered.  I'm cold, Axel.  Fire and ice don't work.  One of us had to go.  I froze you before you could melt me, it's just that simple.  I am so sorry.  You did it all for me and now I can't ever do anything for you.  My mirror will hardly remember you; my mouth will never open again by my will to utter your name.  No one will carry on your memory or tell of your fire.  Now I really know why you introduced your name with a "got it memorized?"  You didn't want to be forgotten.  I am so sorry.


You're much lighter now, half your torso absorbed into a state of nothingness.  I pull you closer to me, to where my heart should have been and where yours never will be.  I hug you tighter, trying to keep you here with me before everything disappears forever.  The pools of my tears drain off your skin and into my lap.  They're warm.  The spikes of your hair poke against my cheek before they, too, begin to fade.  The hole in my chest swells as the presence of you in my arms becomes that of a phantom and I realize you're no longer there.  There's a whisper in my ear, the breath is hot.


"Roxas…"


I close my eyes, submitting.  My consciousness begins to unravel as I return back into the mirror, forever disguised and alone inside the life of another.


If only I'd melted before your fire burned you out.